Pooetic Justice

Ready for your next million dollar idea? Here’s the pitch:

Did you know the average person spends roughly 73 hours per year on the toilet? Over a lifetime, that could be as many as 240 days doing your business with nothing better to do than scrolling and getting more fecal matter on your handheld electronic device. What if I told you there was another way to occupy your time? One filled with class while you prepare to wipe your… self? Well it’s time you felt the sweet relief of Pooetic Justice.

Printed on sheets of luxurious, 2-ply, sustainably sourced toilet paper are a refined selection of pooetry - poetry that follows the thematic movements of our bowels. Whether it’s a clever limerick or a hai-poo, you’ll sit there entertained, educating yourself through poetry while you sit atop your porcelain throne. Here’s a brief selection of what you can expect in each roll:

“Sitting in between, fasten seatbelts sign is on, gotta hold it in”

“Feeling stuck? Taking a while? It seems like a lot is starting to pile.

You need some release. Need that sensation. Looking for the feel. of H, Preparation.”

Ahh… what a good time. Don’t you feel better pulling on that 2-ply to delight in a creative little morsel? Our pooems are sourced from the 2nd graders in Mrs. Greenstein’s class and a portion of our proceeds go to fund the building of toilets in developing countries where the lack thereof is one of the leading causes of death in the world. Each wipe helps a child’s future and provides a safer place for someone else on the planet to do their doodie. Now that’s what I call Pooetic Justice.

Available in basic, or go ad-free with our premium subscription. Our basic rolls will be sponsored by a variety of companies who are looking to get close to their consumers and feature advertisements from them every few sheets. Or if you want to keep those corporate pigs off your butt, what’s another couple bucks?